When you learn about eating disorders in Jr. High or in health class you
learn that they are life threatening and that you can "never recover." I
would like to emphasize that, while the former can be quite true, the
latter is not! I
don't know if I realized that as I suffered from it myself, but I
must've known somehow, as I kept trying. If you have a disease like an
eating disorder, there may not be pills to cure you, but within your own
personal desire and hard work, and along with the people around you,
lies your cure; recovery may not be cut and dry, but it is possible. You
can fully recover from an eating disorder.
|
I was in and out of the hospital with
different ailments |
Can you imagine having a disease that has no cure, from which you will
suffer for the rest of your life? one which affects you both physically
and emotionally and affects everything you do and everyone with whom you
interact? What a terrible prognosis! Again, you can fully
recover from an eating disorder. This is the message I bring to people
who have an eating disorder and those who have concerns about them. Even
when the inner battle seems too difficult and an end doesn't even
appear, it will.
Low immunity
When I was in and out of the hospital with different ailments that were
the result of a very low immune system, when my 85 pounds could not
support my 5'6" frame, it seemed that an end might not be possible. Even
at twice that weight, though, I wasn't going to die of heart failure, I
still felt failure within. When I faced numerous therapists and even
eating disorder group therapies, I still could not envision hope or
help. It wasn't until I found the right kind of therapy that I realized
that the girls who did not want to recover whom I had encountered in
those eating disorder groups were not what I wanted to be. Something
turned around inside of me—not all at once, but in slow and gradual
steps.
Now, when I think back to who I was (and it wasn't the person I am now,
by any means) I am thankful to my friends who stuck by me, my family,
and to Abbie. I am incredibly proud of who I am and what I've become, of
the progress I've made, and of how I've left those eating disordered
months and years so far behind. The eating disordered ways, the
behaviors and the thinking never linger, not even for a fleeting thought
or a moment.
Finding balance
Before and during the eating disorder, I had been a competitive runner,
a prize winner for my school and renown in my state. I had to leave my
running behind for many years during and following my recovery. As long
as it was part of the eating disorder, I had to keep the sport I loved
at bay. At times, I tried to go back to it and could not, recognizing
that I couldn't run and be healthy. Finally, as I grew healthier, I
learned to be able to balance it all. I have completed 3 marathons
lately and, while I would not have done it if I felt the pernicious
control of the eating disorder creeping back, I was finally able to run
them in a healthy way, to go back to the sport I love in a new way,
completely apart from the eating disorder. I think this is how I really
knew that I was fully recovered.
I want to shout out and tell the world that you can recover.
Please, please remember: You
can fully recover from an eating disorder! Don't
lose sight of that.
Thanks for the Support
Thank you Abbie, Mom, Jimmy and Ben, Nana and Kristin- my biggest
supporters throughout. And thank you to those who stayed around to
support me throughout. When Abbie said, early on, that someone with an
eating disorder isn't capable of giving love to anyone else because of
being consumed emotionally by the disorder and the depression and
obsessions that go with it, I knew I wanted out. I have too much love to
give to be someone who cannot give it. Though I lost some wonderful
people along the way, I also gained closer relationships with those who
stayed by me throughout the recovery. Best of all, I re-found myself. I
know who I am and I love whom I have become. I have my life back. Thank
you so much to them all!